I have been thinking about this for awhile.
I have been trying really hard for awhile...off and on.
I have been struggling mentally for awhile.
Why is it so illusive? Just beyond my grasp? Always a bit further out of reach?
I want to be consistent. Lately I have had to ask myself....what does that mean?
I am not the type of person who gets up EVERY DAY at the SAME TIME....who goes to bed at the same time...who has a system for everything they do (and it never changes). I am not the person who has a routine...who has the same work schedule 5 days a week....who sleeps a normal number of hours every night...who has "date night" every Friday with her husband...who exercises every morning like clockwork.
I want this to be me...but it is not...
Because that is not who I am...that is not my life.
My life is busy...my life has a different schedule everyday...my life is organized around people...my life is a collection of odd tutoring jobs and lifeguarding...my life will stop or rearrange for people almost anytime....my life is devoted to serving God....my life is organized...my life is fun...my life is NOT consistent/scheduled/or routine.
Some of you may be confused as to why I think this is a problem. I am a first born, A-type personality that likes things neat, symmetrical, organized and...consistent!
As I've thought about this, I've moved from FRUSTRATED to DETERMINED to DISCOURAGED to CONFUSED to NOW....and where am I now?
I realize that God's word encourages consistency...but not consistency in routines or schedules. It encourages a consistent life.
I want to be a woman who is consistent:
CONSISTENT in loving and following my Savior with my whole heart.
CONSISTENT in serving and cherishing my husband.
CONSISTENT in praying for those I love.
CONSISTENT in my words and actions.
CONSISTENT in loving others even when it is inconvenient
CONSISTENT in arranging my life around others
CONSISTENT in trusting God and living in HIS PEACE...no matter how crazy or inconsistent my schedule is.
A different kind of consistency
As I think about this, I once again realize that in my own strength I will be an utter failure...or at best an uptight legalist. I need, we need, God's strength to be consistent in our walks with Him and our relationships with others.
To be consistent like Jesus, we need the strength of Jesus through the Holy Spirit.
This is my heart and prayer right now. I hope these thoughts that have been running around in my crazy mind can bless you somehow.
|This is how the afghan I made looks on my in laws' couch! I made it as a gift for my mother in law.|
|Me sitting on the floor of my in laws' back room while writing this post...Travis was doing our taxes!|
|Earlier this week I made homemade corn dogs! They were great! Tutorial to com!|
Btw...these instagram pictures are just another example of how I feel totally inconsistent. Last week I had like 12 pictures for my post...this week...three....
Oh well, through the grace of God I am learning that this type of consistency is not the type of consistent I need to be. So let's be consistent together...a consistency that will last in light of HEAVEN! Through the strength and grace of Jesus, this is my prayer.