I have noticed over the past few months, that i leave times with my friends feeling discouraged and wondering if they really like me. I get caught up in trying to please them, trying be the friend I think they want and trying to make them like me. Not a good plan. As I result I am feeling dissatisfied and unloved in many of my friendships.
And then I got into blogging...now I can make new friends that would like me! I feed off of every comment. Each new follower is a mini self esteem booster...at least for a few minutes...
I know (and am struggling to practically live out) that my acceptance is in Jesus Christ and him alone. It doesn't matter how my friends view me or how many people follow my blog. It matters what Jesus thinks. And I KNOW that He loves me!
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:38, 39 NKJV)
How encouraging is that? I need to memorize this verse or something. I can't let myself keep getting stuck in this rut of relying on others for how I feel about myself. I think blogging can so often turn into that for us....or at least for me. It becomes a way of trying to make me feel good about myself when I should be seeking to pour out into others the love and acceptance I already have in Jesus. Once I live in the reality of Christ's love I can truly love and serve others. Then I am living in a way that Christ will be glorified and not me.
"Lord, I want to be so in love with You that nothing can steal my joy and peace! I want to find all of my acceptance in You and not in friends or blogging or even my husband. Thank You for giving those things to me as good gifts and help me to use them for their intended purpose...to glorify and honor You. I love You. Thank you for being all I ever need."